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"There is no right, there is no wrong... only effecient." - the Tao of Bruni
"Wow... just...wow. My pants don't fit right anymore." - ir
"Did a rhesus hit your nipples?" - Griff (not really)
"No, this is my chest I'm playing with." - Bruni
"I actually thought you said 'Dr. Testicles.'" - Violet
"Come on! It's blunt. You can't be that threatened!" - Violet
"Once I knew it was ketchup, it made sense." - ir
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"No, I don't need Ian's directions. I'm lost already." - Griff
"Collin's made of wood!!" - Violet [note: this was an effort to explain his non-conductive nature]
"The name of the tour." - Griff
"Careful, it's sticky." - Annys
"You're right. These are sticky." - Lillia
"She has a special relationship with vinyl." - Carla
"If you really want to protect a nipple, whipped cream is not the way." - Lillia
"Dude, you work in a full-body condom, and you can't see the joke here?" - Griff
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"Right, because I go for deep-fried jewelry." - ir
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"Well, you're dripping." - Violet
"It's been proven I'm nobody by statistics? [pouts] Stupid statistics." - Lillia
"It's a little box...there's not much to look at." - Violet
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"Wait... did you say you couldn't cross your legs with out pain, or without peeing?" - ir
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"The next time someone asks you what group you're with, you say MARKLAND." - Lillia
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"So what you're saying is...you want our junk in your trunk." - Merricke
"If you know what I mean."
"Right in the Griff-hole!" - Collin
"If you know what I mean."
"What? 'If you're allergic to p*nis?' That's what you heard?" - Collin
"Yeah, he can't handle the cock." - Lillia
"If you know what I mean."
Lillia: "...There's webbing here."
Merricke: "Ah, the little-known birth defect of webbed breasts."
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ir: "I noticed that the quotes page has been suffering a lack of love."
Bruni: "I noticed that too. Either we haven't said anything good..."
ir: [shakes head]
Bruni: "...or, we've been laughing too hard to write it down."
"But if you've got Mormons in your cockles, you have something to worry about." - Griff
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Violet: "I have butt-muscles. And they're speaking to me."
Lissa: "What are they saying?"
Violet: " 'Ow.' "
"...and right next to the snack-cake display, they have these extra-long Ho-Hos. And because they're longer, they have more rifling, you know, a longer barrel... so you could use 'em like a cream-filled blowgun."- Merricke
"Merricke's invented the cream-filled nasal hand cannon." - ir
"So, Alain was Connor's fluffer?" - Lillia
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Someone: "Who's left?"
Someone else: "Bruni, Marion, and Pat."
Katryne: "Now there's a trifecta of evil!"
Pascual: "Have some coconut..."
Somebody: "No. Coconut makes me hurl."
Pascual: "Have some coconut..."
Somebody: "No... I don't want to Malcolm!"
Maire: "I'm a happy drunk!"(reaches for doorknob)
Griffith: "Maire? That's my crotch."
"So, yeah. You've got the two Jews telling you how good bacon-wrapped scallops are."-ir
"Well, you've heard what they're calling pork now, right? 'Land tuna'." - Malcolm
"Oh, that hit right in the Queen. That's gotta hurt."- Merricke
"Muh-muh-muh-monster wooo!!!" - Griff, delbroc
"Because this woo is too big for just two hands." - Andre
Merricke: "It's like our own own private radio station: KWOO."
ir: "All Tadcaster, All The Time!"
"Hey! Lookit me! I've got a big metal head! C'mon, you're fighting my Mom! Lookit me!" - ir
"Siobhan's box! Is over there! If you see Merricke... well, he should already know where Siobhan's box is."- Katya
Collin [coughing and choking on a coin]: "What did you put in my drink?!?"
Griff & Berrick: "Shhh!!! Ian hasn't found his yet."
"Hey, Ian! Where's your drink?" - Griff
"You should drink more. It would make me happy." - Griff
"Where the hell's your drink?" - Griff
"D'ja finish that drink yet?" - Griff
[looks at coin in bottom of drink] "You... bastard." - ir
"Welcome aboard. I figured, hey, I need a navigator, and if anyone could get the boat to Idaho, it would be you." - Griff
"We didn't last year." - Gisella
"I have needle, I have thread. Do you want to become uncircumcised again?" - Gisella
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"Mommy! The horses are fencing!" - Rowan, watching jousting
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"...and I mean 'whore' in a good way." - Collin
"To be honest, if I was going to expose myself in public, it would be on holy ground." - Eldritch
"I haven't been near his crotch in ages." - Lillia
"Their dryer's on 'rough-and-tumble'." - Siobhan
"Big M, little e, big f'in Q." - ibn Ali Meruq
Siobhan: "Do you not eat the banana?"
Lissa: "Oh, I eat all the banana."
"That's not the weirdest thing that's ever been in your nose." - Siobhan
"It was either 'case of spoon', or you 'like the idea of Catholic school'." - Berric
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Brunissende [to Griff]: "Do you need to funkify everything you come across?"
Lissa: "By the way, you still need to wash my car."
"I didn't play with that long enough." - Lissa
Lillia: "Long-distance forking."
Siobhan: "Long-dist...OH!"
"You turn the page, and it's all hot apple pie." - Merricke
Merricke: Good to know, Violet hates the ding dong.
Violet: Don't go starting rumors about me!
Lillia: So, obviously that's not true. Violet looooves the ding dong.
Violet: *sputter*
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Lillia: "For the record, I'm willing to learn all those positions."
Alain: "Take that out of context, and it's on the quotes page."
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"Have you had a walrus in your ear recently? '" - Alain
"I think my lime is oozing." - Marion
"If you're getting groped by knights and don't remember it... the scotch isn't good. - Duncan
"Ooh! Razor clams, now there's a viscious bivalve."- ir
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Corrina: "You got horns from the newspaper?"
Griff & ir, in stereo: "Oh, yeah. The Pennsic Independent is totally metal."
(more quotes from Pennsic XXXV)
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ir: "Walburga... they're like a... heraldic biker gang."
Annys: "Only they drink more."
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"He said 'Cock! Wham!'" - Collin, to Siobhan
"As opposed to 'not finishing the cock', which was Collin's fault." - ir
"You're so shankable!" - Collin
"Sodom and Gomorrah...it's hilarious." - ir
"Oh...I'm seeing a sex change." - Lissa
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ir: "That line between 'clever' and '*ssh*le... it's real fine."
Melchior: "That's why it's not painted, it's made of candy. Sweet, yummy candy."
"The easiest way to do it is just to stick a hand in and see what happens." - Lillia
"A lot of stuff in Japanese has no good English translation. It's likely to translate as 'Flowering Cherry Blossom Monkey Ball Stew' or something."- ir
"Projectile Funk."- Merricke
"He's gained a new superpower?" - Lissa
"Again. You're so lucky he can't put gestures on the website."- Griff
"There's this blacksmith who... he made my fork." - Berrick
"'Scourge of her own oaks'? That sounds dirty." - Merricke
"My gear will magically appear... the Magic Pack-mule of Love will bring it." - Griff (as Lissa)
"Was that a revenge yoinking?"- ir
"This is another revenge pickle."- Lissa
"Awww! I didn't even go there! I was all 'rhythm method', and you went all 'Brokeback Mountain'."- ir
"The whipped cream must lubricate the..."- Collin
Bruni: "Anyone want more whipped cream?"
Lillia: "Not after it's been used for lubrication."
"Don't put your finger in there."- Bruni
"That's the way you're s'posed to do it! I saw it in a book."- Lissa
Lissa: "That's where you just sorta put Vaseline over your mind."
Collin: "Now I know why you're always doing laundry -- it's covered in Vaseline."
"Spelunking for sugar."- Merricke
"Oh, I thought he ate the muffin a lot."- Collin
"We're Tadcaster. We Make it Worse."- ir
"My core temperature goes 'phweee'."- Griff
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"You are a foul, foul temptress. Who pats my *ss gently." - ir
"You forget, I take wintahs awf. I have sheep to take care of." - Kat
"So, Pascual, that means you're Tadcaster by envelopment." - Tadcaster
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"Ahh!! Fear and Loathing in my bathroom!" - Griff
"He's good with his tongue."- Emeline
"I'm gonna go cuddle with Xavier."- Edmund
"Mercedes, there's a thorn in my *ss."- Collin
"Malcom in spike heels..."- Mercedes
"So you're taking a sheep as a cadet?"- Mercedes, to Ronan
"Try squishing your balls flat and tell me how it feels."- Emeline
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(In a very small voice) "Not a whore!"- Lissa
Merricke: "Now I need to get chaps and a bandana."
ir: "You need to get deodorant?"
Merricke: "No, I -"
Griff: "No, go with that... it's better than what you said."
"It came out... bumpy." - Lillia
"That was less pornographic than what I was thinking." - Merricke
"You flicked your cherry in the ashtray..." - a nearby diner table
"Look! Beaver Meadow Butter." - Siobhan
"Maybe if I crawl under the table..."- Lissa
ir: "The good thing about libraries...no vultures?"
Lissa: "No. Filters."
"Pat the pancake. Move along." - Griff
"All I saw was 'toasted parrot cake'."- Merricke
"It's new! The 'Laundry Spider!'"- ir
"And he folds and fluffs so well."- Collin
"Government cheese... it's 'cheese-adjacent'."- Merricke
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"Because some people like to put sherry in their snapper."- Collin
"Well, if you're stupid enough to teabag a campfire..."- Merricke
"Do not write down 'Monkey Grabs Peaches'."- Griff
"Lillia? It's a push."- Merricke
"She tried it both ways... it was in college, it was OK."- Merricke
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Lissa: "It works best if you use your mouth and both hands."
Alain: "I do it better with just my fingers."
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"Merricke's the Japanese tourist of Tadcaster. Click click click click click!"- Lillia
"Soft porn, sword porn... what's the difference?"- Merricke
"Pole dancing and fries."- Violet
"Does that have a leak?"- Merricke
"Wow. James Polk had a mullet!"- Violet
"History is so much better in tight pants."- Lillia
"That was...tall."- Lissa
"She couldn't give me any more openings if she tried."- Griff
Collin: "You missed my leg and it's pooling on the floor. There is such as thing as point control, which you don't have."
Griff: "I'm just trying to stick it in there."
Merricke: "It was so bad, someone had to come out with a mop."
"You be the organ grinder, I'll be your monkey."- delbruc
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"I guarantee you she cannot suck hard enough. Don't ask me how I know."- Elizabeth
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Alys (newly changed into garb): "All right. Am I within shouting distance of respectability?"
Katryne: "I don't know. Stand over there..."
"There must be a way to blazon 'issuant from *ss'."- Bruni
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"Alain, you are never to say anything about 'tiring for young hands' again. Ever."- ir
"Are they ... doing laundry in court?"- Eldritch
"Whap!"- the King's Justice
Marion: "What's that sound?"
delbruc: "That's justice, baby!"
"Your first charge is to form a large unit. Then you'll need to whip it into shape."- Lorenzo
"We are SO gonna get banned."- ir
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"That would be Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Dildos'."- ir
"You wanna pet my hippo?"- RAS
"Was that a command? 'Lick her fingers clean?'"- ir
"Stealing? She has a big one."- RAS
ir: "Can you double-meep a castle?"
Marion: "Only with a permit."
"So, you have your very own three-way!" - Siobhan
"Well, now it's a new story, with a rectal abcess."- delbruc
delbruc: "I'm gonna go work for Pfizer."
Everyone: "Why?"
Everyone: "Oh, they make Viagra."
Lillia: "That should have been made by Upjohn."
ir: "They have plans. They involve nudity, I can tell."
Siobhan: [blushes]
Sabby: "Where are our paint chips?!?"
[boredly] "Open up the slot..."- Violet
"You may know how to put it in, but you don't know how to operate it."- RAS
"I am pointless!!"- ir
"Back where you had it... down... now push."- Sabby
"What was that that came out?'"- RAS, about Rowan
"All grab."- ir
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"If this really is a cold, and not just residual feeling crappy-ness from my insomnia, I am going to christen it "Tadcaster's Revenge." Apparently, I need a better immune system if I am going to spend too much more time around you guys."- Alys
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"Tadcaster - Division Six"- Berrick
"What I heard was 'Tadcaster - envision sex.' Which isn't exactly wrong."- Griff
"...Prison sex?"- Merricke
"I just wanted to play with his dangly bits."- Lillia
"He lost me at 'hand-travel'."- Lillia
New olympic sport: privvy-tickling- Tadcaster
"Sooo...you name it, we'd like Siobhan to stick her chest in it?"- ir
"Woo, indeed."- delbruc
Rhiannon [to Nataliia]: "We're going here. [Kildare's]"
ir: "That's where we're going."
Rhiannon: "OK, we need to get there before Tadcaster, so we can get a seat.
"At my age, regularity is a prized possession."- DeCastellan
"I am not an angry muppet!"- Andre
Wormwood: "Nice poles!"
Alain: "Yeah, they're dressy, but they're not terribly stable."
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"It's like a universal warning - something Tadcaster this way comes."- Merricke
"You...you have a... a leak."- Siobhan
"Shadcaster? Oooh, we're a fish festival all by ourselves."- ir
"Alright...you should pull on the other end."- Lissa
"What is it with everyone batting at my HELLO!"- Siobhan
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[clasping hands and squealing] "Do you like demonic things?!"- Kat & Raphaela
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Griff: "Your rabbi's a eunich?!?"
Collin: "That was a bad mohel!"
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[driving through snow and ice storm after EK 12th Night] "Wow, Malcolm got his OGR and Hell really did freeze over."- Edmund
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Pascual: "I haven't seen my sweetie all court. I bet she's off getting drunk with Pierre... which makes me slightly nervous."
Antonio: "That's because you are a wise man."
"Yes. Could I use you as a buckler?"- Kat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We can't really play a drinking game, because we can't hear. Maybe we should drink when we imagine they're saying something."- Bruni
Alys: "I think I've picked up Ian's superpower."
Katryne: "Who have you impregnated lately?"
Alys: "No, no, no. I found a website for Vegan Porn!"
"I know what vegan is... I know what porn is..."- Lissa
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"I'm telling you, the pink n' pooper - "- Collin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Fah ah ah ah ah ah...ahk!"- ir
"I think I'm sweating urine."- Drunk Steve
Pascual: "Will you marry me?"
Katryne: "You're kidding, right? ... [quietly] Yes. ... Holy Sh*t!!"
"Surprise! I'm really a Tuchuk!"- Ryan
"...in horseless chaps... Wait. Horseless chaps?"- Marion
"I'm gonna Donkey Konga your *ss all night."- Lilly
"And Lissa goes 'Whooo!'."- Lillia