"Kitty Pride Parades and Üuberloob"
Quotes From K&Q Rapier 2007
Warning: as usual, some of these are a bit risque. - Ian
"Who is Captain America?" - Lissa
"Ignore Collin's premature blinker." - Griff
"Lissa probably thinks Kitty Pryde is a lesbian parade." - Marion
Marion: "You were talking about silver dildos?"
ir: "Yes, I was."
Marion: "Just checking."
Marion: "What did you say?"
ir: "'I feel validated.'"
Marion: "I thought you said, 'I feel mammaldated.'"
"No one likes surly mayonnaise, least of all me." - Marion
"Dylan and Thomas - they're like two peas in a f***ed up pod." - del Bruc
Lillia: "Collin's laughing so hard he's braking."
Marion: "No, it's because he's retarded."
Violet: "I think he's a little bit country, and we're a little bit rock 'n roll."
Marion: "Ian, your salamander's drooly."
del Bruc: "Well, you know, my wife had her head on your salamander..."
ir: "Yes, well, we try to keep it in the family."
"He's showing you his O beak." - del Bruc
"It's not big, it's just in her pants." - del Bruc
Berrick: *BELCH*
Brunehilde: "Oh, he speaks French!"
"Me?!? I'm not quotable!!" - Marion
"Fainting goats are bliss." - ir
"No, I heard 'God is my mist.'" - Marion
"If you're bored with your wife, we can put her to use." - del Bruc
"I haven't had a cup of scrotal tea in so long." - Marion
"Das ÜÜÜÜÜberloob!!!" - Oh, who *didn't* say this?
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"I turned, and there were breasts." - Griff
"Why is your head glowing?" - Griff
"Squid could go 'gobble'." - Katya
"I'm hallucinating through my nose!" - Meryke
"Why is there something spongy in my meal?" - Katya
"'Cause the kitchen always give it spicy - oooooh boy!" - Waiter at the Joyful Garden
"You can tell from his voice... he's running around doing jazz hands in his head." - Lillia
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"Feel my knees ... no, with a purpose!" - Kat (to Pascual)
Alys [pre-tourney, spreading good luck among the Sistahs]: "Benedictions
upon you in the name of Saint Walburga!"
Lissa: "Will there be annointing?"
Alys: "All I've got is mucus, and you're welcome to it."
"Je ne veux pas être chatré." (I do not want to be neutered) - Caine, to Bruni
"We're going to stop this list and watch Pascual fight Seosamh.
[to Katryne] Tell me this isn't eerily creepy..." - Alys
"Lissa has a new wrestling name: Lissa 'The Brutal Hobbit' Underhill!!!!!" -ir
"Stop mocking me, Collin! I have a big stick!" - Lillia
"I was just reading the Tadcaster website..." - Quinn
"My cadet is fighting my grandcadet in the finals. Either way, I win." - Dylan
Katryne: "I'd like to see the first female King's Champ made today. On the other hand, the other one's my Don."
Dylan: "Either way, you win."
"After a while, you learn: no one at court's going to miss one Champion, more or less..." - deCastellan
Annys (answering phone): "Hello?"
ir: "Please don't be mad."
Annys: "...? You won, didn't you."
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"Why am I leading?!?" - André
"What the f*** are you doing???" - Violet
Robert Hildreth: "Did you hear Caine all day? 'I've got stripper boots! I've got stripper boots!' He's Captain S-Boots."
Katryne: "Captain Ass Boots?"
Katrina: "Oh. I like that."
"Please hold for the King's Champion." - Collin
Katryne: You made a great showing out there today.
Dylan: That's right. Ian had one loss, but I went undefeated.
"Griff's gonna be the Little Funk Fairy, visiting all our rooms and messing up our beds." - Lillia
"I don't trust your curative properties." - Andre
"All hail the newest King's Rapier Champion. Now get back in your inflatable taco!!!" - Lorenzo
"Suck on the bed! Suck on the bed!" - Andre
Lillia: "I don't know, but I'm putting it in my mouth."
Lissa: "Can I watch?!"
"I don't care. This is Leviticus." - del Bruc
"It's a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure bible!" - ir
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Lillia [via Violet]: "King's Champion says 'go' - so move it, f***ers!"
Collin: "Who was that? That didn't come from you, Violet. That sounded like something Lillia would say."
"No, no. We got that part. We still don't know what the f*** you're talking about." - Marion
"I don't want to worry anyone, but we're heading northwest." - Griff
ir: "It was best of three. I beat her, she beat me, I beat her..."
del Bruc: "...like a bad, bad donkey!"
ir: "This is the laughter-filled vehicle..."
Lillia: "...and theirs is the angst-filled vehicle."
[translated from French] "It's Lorenzo's fault." - Brunehilde
Berrick: "It's stuck!"
Lissa: "Get it unstuck, I need it!"
"Where the f*** are you going???" - Violet
"...or we threaten him with a flying squirrel!" - Lillia
"Squeeze it, fellow. SQUEEZE IT HARDER!" - del Bruc
[Hands radio to Thomas] "Here, you explain it. And call him a f***er." - Lillia
"The word for the day is 'f***er'." - ir
Griff: "That's why I'm glad I was never in basic training. If someone kept singng that kind of song... well, they probably can't keep someone who's been castrated with a spork."
ir: "...or the guy who castrated them with a spork."
Griff: "No, they put him in Special Forces."
ir: "Right, parachuting into enemy territory armed with a bandolier of sporks."
del Bruc: "I'm the Metatron."
Griff: "You're the mouthpiece of the King's Champion?"
del Bruc: "And his rectal piece."
Violet: "...and I have icy-hot rub for your muscles..."
Bruno: "I heard 'I have a hot rub for your a**hole.'"
Lillia: "Thomas, that's you."
"The Barnes & Noble sign was broken. It was 'Barnes & Nob.'" - del Bruc
ir: "I failed my roll for peeing in a bottle."
Bruno: "That's a dexterity check."
del Bruc: "Let's see... while driving... that's at least a -5."