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"F-ing gay cricket." - Bruni
"Oh, that's what I need, a forty-four inch schlager...that spurts." - ir
"Ummm...you want the nuts to be purpure. Purpure is like blue, but with pain added." - Bruni
"...does it involve me wearing a g-string?" - ir (God, we hope it doesn't)
"You're right! It does not specifically ban, in the rules, taping a cute rubber rabbit to the end of your sword. It does not." - ir
"Quote quote type type YARN." - ir
"Sorry, Ian Raven, no browncoat for you." - Lillia
"We'll need other side dishes than just organ jello." - Annys
"Put my cream back brfore I poke you, you... French cream-stealer!" - Collin
"This is Half n' Half. Not a lemon." - ir
"See? He's talking to his menu, but not listening to his coffee." - Bruni
Lillia: "Well, age certainly didn't make him any wiser."
Griff: "We don't know that. He might have been more foolish in his youth...so he could be wiser now compared with himself."
Griff: "You know we're crazy, right?"
Adam: "Oh, I've read the website."
"An oblique yoinking?" - Griff
"There's a big hump in the bench." - Collin
"I'm not getting on that boat." - Lillia
"I have all the normal cadets." - Griffin, who has no cadets
"Ian! Do the Dance of Sin!" - Alys
"Does that say, 'laugh, sin, dance?'" - Nataliia
Pretend Fiona: "Honey, who the Hell is Ted?"
Pretend Eldrich: "Oh, he rules."
"TED RULEZ!!! WHOOO!!!" - Lorenzo, Eldrich, Ian
"And they eat pantyhose?" - Elizabeth
"Sit in this middle." - Kat
"Are you calling me an alkie stripper whore?" - Elizabeth
"I want that one later." - Lillia
"Dude, you can't blame retardation on your household." - Lorenzo (to Griff)
"'#1 in Retards'. On, wait, it's 'Retreads'." - Arnaut
"They're gently yielding cat-toys!" - Lillia
"Aww, my stab wound hurts." - Ian's co-worker
"Either that, or he has very fluid thighs." - Rent-a-Spouse
"Her breath is heaving." - Rent-a-Spouse
"I'm inbred and I'm exhausted." - Lillia
"Fiddly bits and butter." - Meryke
"He has...a pliable stick up his butt." - Griff
"Come for the sugar, stay for the screaming." - Griff
"You cut my winky!" - Andre
"...and I'm mollified by things that glow and flash." - Meryke
"You poor, diluted fool." - ir
Lissa: "I know what I'm doing tomorrow."
Griff, pointing at Berrick: "Him?"
Lissa (bounces): "...and laundry!"
"Oh, I'm going to play with you?" - Meryke
"Alain's pommel was tender." - ir
"I envy your Fudruckers." - Griff
"You guys can poke me anywhere you want." - Katya
ir: "...and there's the left nav."
Lillia: "Your left nad?"
ir: "... Yes. www.iansleftnad.com...it's a three-foot-high webcam."
Lillia: "Boy, he's ambitious."
"What happens between Don and Cadet, stays between Don and Cadet." - ir
Lillia: "At least it wasn't hard to your crotch."
ir: "Well, even if you had hit me there, it wouldn't have been hard... because I don't get hard from a sword in the crotch."
"...small eunich tactics. You want to hit the smallest part of their eunich with the biggest part of your eunich." - Ronan
"Oh, seconde THIS." - Nigel
"Um...Oh! Dick Tracy!" - Nefretiti
"Oh, that's the king of Atlantia? I stepped on his foot earlier." - Arnaut
"We all need to go outside and see how cute Pascual is right now!" - Xavier
"OK, I'm gonna lay a heavy term on you here. Your opponent? He got *ssed." - HRM Darius
"Ian...put it away now." - HRM Roxanne
"I really admire your flexibility." - HRM Roxanne
"Ocean in view. Oh the joy." - Lewis and Clark (no, really)
"Oooh...Teach me harder!" - Bruni
"Just because you put in your mouth, doesn't mean I'm going to eat it." - Rhiannon
"We need to get two suckers to sleep with us." - Collin
"It's a posture test...with a duck." - Griff
"Eh...Atlantian RBG cooties." - Bruni
"I'd never seen someone else's birds before." - Collin
ir: "...yeah, there's also 'pitbow-oh-four'."
Co-worker: "Did you say 'hippo whore'?'"
Berrick: "If Tadcaster is the Tenth Circle of Hell, does that make Ian the Lord of the Tenth Circle? He has the fork for it."
ir: "No, it makes me Don of the Tenth Circle."
Berrick: "Ow! Did it have to be a square dildo?"
Bruni: "Ah, I see you've seen that specific video."
"And then I thought you did the exploding dog thing." - Lissa
"What's 'Tom & Mozz'? Is that another kind of beer?" - Lissa
Duncan: "Anyone want some of my potato tower?"
Bruni: "That sounds dirty."
Molly: "I was gonna say 'I do, I do', but now I think I won't."
Lissa: "There isn't any Dewey Decimal System for porn."
delbruc: "Then I task you to come up with one."
ir: "You could call it the 'Do-me Decimal System'."
"That wasn't me, it was a passing serving wench. She had a surpisingly baritone voice." - Caine
"That's great, ya whore! Now go put something on your head." - HRM Roxanne
"Don Ian, you're so dreeeemy. Wanna spoon?" - Lissa
"Oh, God. Now they're laying out!" - ir
"Ohh, I'm going to the Special Hell..." - everyone with a Y chromosone
"Spanikopita to queen's knight three." - ir
"I did everything but spank her...I left that for you." - Gwalchmai ap Talan
[to Marion] "Our relation ship is based on thrust." - ir
"Wait. You're a candy-*ss dog farmer?" - Griff
Lissa: "What will you give me for it?"
ir: "He won't hit you in the head with a shovel."
Melchior: "Very hard..."
"That's what happens when you smoke squirrels. See?" - Marion
(more Pennsic XXXIV quotes)
Lissa: "You're special."
Malcolm: " And that's not in, like, a short bus kind of way, I hope..."
"I don't think you should be doing that in the parking lot with them." - Malcolm
"According to Malcolm, Tadcaster is the tenth circle of Hell." - Lissa
Kat: "What's a hussy?"
ir: "It's like a hoyden."
Kat: "Is that a hoyden that moves very fast?."
ir: "Yeah, like a hoyden with high-speed internet."
Andre (drunk and swaying): "I'm fine."
ir: "You are so not fine. I'm hallucinating, and I can see you're not fine."
"My tongue-fu is better." - delbruc
"I give it a 20 out of 10,000. I can count! For a long time." - Kat
"Captain Tingleshanks." - Kat
"There's no quoting! We're drunk!" - Griff
"Rippetty!" - Kat
"The path of yeast resitance?" - ir
"I am Doctor F-ing Zoom!" - Collin
"She's sort of the 'Demon tadpole' of Fence." - Mistress Alys
"F-ing squeak!" - Griff
"You bought me Chapstick to get closer to my OGR?" - Lilly
"That's not German, that's female!" - Griff
"OK, you hold him, I'll spread." - JP
"We need a bigger dildo." - Tadwomen (More Tadwomen quotes)
Annys: "Great China was seen as an improvement over sleeping on lambskins."
ir: "I'm sure you'll forgive me my saying so, but what?"
"'I am Beula, vould you like some stroganoff?'" - Lilly
"...Firebomb?" - Rob the newbie
[sweetly] "Would you like a turn on the chair?" - Lissa
"Well, it looked sturdy..." - Sterling
"Wait. What'd...huh?" - Griff
"OK, that is way too much chocolate for one piece of ice cream. And I just said that out loud." - ir
Griff: "I need to talk to you about borrowing your mother."
ir: "Which one?"
"This carrot had an incredible will to live." - Lissa
"The Chinese... they love the cheesburger." - Griff
"That's like saying, 'I'm a Jew, for Christ's sake.'" - Katryne
"Mine's ugly and wet, but you're welcome to it." - Alain
"...Even the entries in their thesaurus are curious: 'French woman' is listed as synonomous with 'rude b*tch', with a note that the proper response to this prhase is 'Eastern fencer' (a phrase which itself is noted as synonomous with 'arrogant bastard'." - from "Tadcaster: A History", by Dr. Inga Wrollenthay, PhD & Cecil St. Servicks
"Marion and Kat should be made to stay 15 feet away from each other or be ticketed with 'intent to conspire against humanity'." - Nigel
"The new official beverage of Tadcaster - Fruit 2 O!" - Katya
"Hey, pal, go with fruit!" - bad translation from the French
"Sex is evil! It eats sin!" - Berrick, imitating The Church...sort of
"Leavening. Things that rise." - ir
Bruni: "I will hug you."
ir: "Why does it sound like a threat when you say it?"
"In the library. With a pipe. Oh, and a vampire. [pause] And if you bring some rope, it'll make it easier to use the candlestick on the vampire." - ir
"...dead, dried-out vampire librarians with lotion." - several Tads
"Have you tried the library?" - Lissa
"Heh... Katya tonged my chin." - ir
"There would be colonic dischord." - Marion
"There are no quickies for porcupines." - Marion
[in stage whisper] "Say nothing about the contents of your colons." - delbruc
"Horse taxes?!" - ir
delbruc: "RTFM."
Duncan: "Read the moose?"
"Sometimes, when you're upset, it helps to hug a monkey." - narrator from Poco
"I can't hear you, your voice is muffled." - Marion (oooh, is that an in-joke!)
Someone at table: "Can we see a dessert menu?"
Waitress: "I'm the dessert menu."
ir: "So we have to read you?"
delbruc (with gesture): "Are you braille?"
Marion: "That was your 'outside voice', you dumb sh*t."
"POMME FRITTE!" - ir, delbruc, and well, everyone else
"Our donuts are in crisis!!" - ir
"...I'll be home, unless I have bacon in Atlantia." - Katya
"Dear Ian: remember the tits. Love, Melchior" - Melchior
"Gee I can hardly feel anything through these enormous breasts!" - Katryne