(
)
"Nothing sucks worse than being beaten up by Ghandi." - Marion
"I don't know what's in that drink but it's making Meryke eat bamboo." - Marion
Davius (to Lissa): "The only thing you get to do is Bruno."
Andre: "Hellooo nurse."
"That's a whole lotta boinking. Have you not been paying attention?" - Lissa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...and they're not Jewish, they're just horny." - Jane
Julianna: "Is this the Tadcaster page? I've read it."
ir: "You're on it."
Julianna: "What?? ... Oh, sh*t."
"It's like the San Francisco of New Jersey." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lillia: "I bet you thought heralds were all serious in commentary."
Jibril: "No, not at all. I've seen you people drink."
"Her thumb is breathing at me." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"To hell with the baby seals, ALL the seals are goin'." - Other Ian
"It's the really fun game no one wants to play, 'How hot is the turkie now?'" - Melchior
"If I have to slow down, you didn't merge right." - Annys
"This trip has been fraught with peril." - Annys
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The London eye with the pork in it?" - ir
"Please eat my cheesy goodness." - Jane
"Ooooh, gooey drippy happiness in a bowl." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"'How the Boot Lands'... worst children's book ever." - Melchior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You got boobs, velvet and bodies in the closet." - Melchior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It was either 'instant gratification is my middle name' or 'I'm all about the fast'." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dawn court. We open with cannons." - Melchior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I have a limited amount of bending left in my life." - Griff
"I don't like the banana hook." - Andre
"OK, Band-aid, you tell 'em where to go." - Don the Shriner, to Marion
Alesone: "There will be no fainting in the kitchen. It is strictly forbodden."
Marion: "If you are going to faint, you must go outside."
Alesone: "This is a quote free zone..."
Marion: "Says who?"
Lissa: "You cannot escape the 'quotes'."
Alesone: "I smell like food."
Melchior: "What kind?"
Alesone: "Yes."
Alesone: "Hey dad... I have a new rigid parry device!"
ir: "Oh?"
Alesone: "Honing steel. It's kinda shaped like a dagger..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Now, beating someone over the head with a bag of frozen gerbils... that has potential." - Declan
"Yay! Go boobies." - Alesone
"Autocrat on a steeek!" - Cat
"Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah bite me bite me." - Alesone
"That's not what my obvious was about." - Davius
"I'm quoting, there's quotes... I'm quoting." - Davius
Melchior: "I'd rather sell $3500 in rocks."
Alesone: "There's a better profit margin on rocks."
ir: "I thought you said 'pick a Steve'."
Griff: "No, that's what I got, too."
Vi: "He works for the government."
ir: "The gub'ment?"
Meryke: "He makes the cheeeese."
"If you're gonna be a ho-mother, you need a baby-daddy." - Griff
"You guys are the worst burglars EVAR." - Meryke
"I am willing to delgate the heraldry." - ir, as Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Pork loins make me violent." - Lissa
"Did I mention our hobbit is 'special'?" - Genevra
Lissa: "Anyone know where the little hobbit's room is?"
Alesone: "Little hobbit's room? Is it marked that way?"
Lissa: "It will be after I get done... I have a mark."
"I've got BIG balls." - Genevra
"No, you've done your fair share of nuts." - Alesone, to Lissa
"Sticky trumps brush." - Alesone
"I iz an opportunistic-vore." - Lissa
"You have a very floury crotch there, my dear." - Genevra
Annie: "You need to be sat."
ir: "Yes, but I don't need to be scraped off."
"Are you giving me a cat food bowl??" - Genevra
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wouldn't a chalk-line have been useful? Or eyes?" - Aibhilin
"Ian! Ian! Siobhan's a muppet!" - Vi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Wait... There was a rat limitation?" - Andre
"Turkie's all about dislocation." - Alesone
"Don't fantasize. These are not mammals." - Bruni
"She's feeling up the turkie?" - Genevra
"I still have more turkies, you can come back and quote more." - Alesone
"Did you not hear the juiciness?" - Alesone
"Children and hobbits need to stick together." - Lissa
"'Feigning death' does not mean putting your zipper up." - Bruni
"Yeah, gelatinous turkey. Blorp blorp blorp, gobble gobble, blorp blorp blorp." - Andre
"I got 40 pounds of turkie lovin'. Aw, yeah." - Andre
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Berrick: "Ian! How did you get taller? Are you on stilts?."
ir: "No. I'm wearing a Black Mamba... it makes me look taller."
Alesone: "We have to be nice. We can't quote her [Lianor] on her first night."
Vi: "Why?"
"Yes. Jet-powered hookers." - Griff
Alesone: "Goat? Where did you get goat?"
Mael Eoin: "...I know a guy."
Alesone: "Ooh! You could make goat stock!"
ir: "That sounds like a benefit concert."
"Ian! [makes goat hand gesture] Bliss!" - Lissa
"Ian! [makes goat hand gesture] Bliss!" - Berrick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yo, man. Bid mah turnips.'" - ir
"It's Happy Fun Iron Curtain time!" - Melchior
"Here, feel the creamy." - Alesone
"Goddam you, you little whippersnapper!" - Melchior's old laptop
"It goes WAAAH then it screams 'strawberries' all the way down." - Siobhan
"Hmm. It doesn't go as WAAAH as it used to." - Siobhan
New super heroes:The Mad Corkscrew vs. Bung Hammer
"F'in ohhm!" - Siobhan
"OK, maybe I'm slightly psychotic." - Lissa
"Ema! He pooft-ed!" - Ana
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So disappointed... that box doesn't say 'better sex parties.'" - ir
"Could I get you to double-bag that? 'Cause it's so freakin' huge." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Lissa rode the bullet, and she had to squeeze it." - Siobhan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We're from the East. 'We're friendly'." - Bruni
"Tadcaster: permeating membranes since 2002." - Melchior
Rebecca: "Now say something that rhymes with 'salamandah'. I mean... 'caliminda."
Rowan: "Whosyerdada."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alesone: "No!"
ir: "Is that a heraldic 'no'?"
Alesone: "Oh yes."
Bruno: "C'mon, this is a guy who fenced with a bush for a year."
Vi: "Oh, Alain loves the bush."
"You'd be sitting in HR with a French-to-English dictionary saying, 'Hey! That either meant I'm fired, or I have a small d*ck!'" - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I can be as bootastic as I want." - Genevera
"She doesn't do TADAAA enough." - Berrick
"I'll let you come if you don't quote that!" - Lissa
"I'll do what you want me to, I just want to last a little longer." - Lissa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You could charge admission to watch these people parallel park." - Melchior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alesone: "How come I got your response before Lillia's question?"
Bruni: "Because I am faster than the internet."
Random person [pointing at eye patch]: "Pirate?"
Koala Rancher: "Nah, mate. Koala rancher."
"Chlorine makes my hair hard." - Alain
"There's a song there, and I'm sure it's sung to the tune of Big Rock Candy Mountains." - Meryke
"I touched it lots." - Lissa
Meryke: "When you said 'look at that big Danish', I thought you meant him. [points at Griff]"
Griff: "I'm Dutch."
Vi: "He's just so bouncy, like a puppy..."
Griff: "Kickin' 'im just seems wrong."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lillia: "The sticky-out bits are kinda schematicky."
Annys: "We're taking off the sticky-out bits."
"NOOOOOOO! I like my sticky-out bit." - Istvan
"What the... Non-consensual moose nipple clamp suspension." - Lillia
"Do you know the pudding man, the pudding man, the pudding man..." - Annys
"Oh, look, there are rounded bumps." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Let me start a new page for 'sexy reports'." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"That was before the Inquisition, before they were really enforcing the pork." - Alesone
"Just input thread and desired length to the human lucet machine..." - Cat
"Don't make me enforce the pork." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Now, retreat forwards." - Andre
"Matt's head? Is that a measure of uniment? ... Unit of measurement." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We don't fear ferrets. We fear otters." - Quotes from KWAR/KWCS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Maybe when I squeezed it, it flew. The juice." - Vi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"'You're not a lobster. I can pet you'." - Lillia, as ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Aren't you bored yet? You've been doing that for, like, seven minutes." - Duncan
Meryke: "Duncan is not diamond-tipped."
Duncan: "Sorry."
"You wouldn't want compete with your hair for sex." - Corinna
"You wanna date me? I'm already in a relationship with my hair." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christoph: "Coffee hour has been SOOO boring..."
Ysmay: "BRING OUT THE LARD AND MATZAH!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eularia: "Do you know what 'Vivat' means?"
Shelby: "No... "
Eularia: "It means, 'Help help, we're stuck in court.'"
"Are you saying Bruno is a bad girl?" - ir
ir: "Oh, merlot! I thought you said black rasberry Brillo!"
Kat: "Your kitchen sink's favorite flavor?"
Vi: "Where was this cow?"
Marion: "... It was a street calf."
Kat and ir: "She was dressed provacatively! She was askin' for it!"
"Boys in jello. Still life." - Marion
"You need more bread in your life." - Marion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They played with his longer." - Siobhan
"What, did you order a bag of meat?" - Griff
"Do you want me to swab your thighs with mine?" - Meryke
Vi: "OH!!!"
Griff: "What? You found an orgasm?"
ir (as Vi): "Yes, it was right here in my pocketbook."
"'Nipple Grove', by the Boobie Brothers?" - Siobhan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aibhilin: "How do you say good luck in pirate?"
Evan: "'Swab a leg!'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's like the flying nun did the S&M thing." - Lorenzo
"This is Tadcaster. If you're not multi-tasking you're not doing it right." - Alesone
"What you didn't know, since you've never been in a small group of Tads... the wrongness is inversely proportional to the size of the group." - Meryke
"'Why did you set that man on fire?' 'Well, your honor... We wanted his girlfriend to pee on him.'" - Meryke
"Ah, that Ian. He loves the cud." - Griff
"Ian's got great big ... bonuses in 'save versus wrong'."- Meryke
"That's generally weaving. It's not like he's thinking 'Oh! I 'll make a double-twill! It's a period stich!" - Vi
"No, the bacon doesn't turn into ooze in your mouth, that's not what I'm saying." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Rocky, wanna see me pull a tomato out of my bra?" - Izzy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DeCastellan: "It's a bit oxygen-starved and it doesn't come out much..."
Kat: "There are sooo many things that could refer to."
"Are you gonna cut the pickle with hot thighs?" - Alesone
"It's all in one mass, you took it, go eat it." - Griff
"Chefy and Cookie love all over Ian." - Jane
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You are a shotgun loaded with awesome?" - Melchior
"No! It didn't even involve fishnets!" -ir
Vi: "I have like 60 thousand requests ..."
Siobhan: "...from people who want to play with sheep."
"G'night, Strap-on." - Berrick
"Wait... Strap-on??" - Declan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But I'm not drinking out of this end." - Lillia
"Is that the verb? Is it what you were doing to the tree, or the tree itself?" - ir
Lillia: "I was 'estimating' ALL NIGHT LONG."
ir: "Oh, round my numbers! ROUND THEM HARDER!"
Grimm: "So... Lillia gave us her box?"
ir: "No, the birds gave you their box."
Lillia: "but... Grimm's junk won't fit in it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ir: "Ah, but if you're the queen, and it's allegorical, boobs mean victory."
Iseault: "Well... then I've got loads of victory!"
Lissa: "I have variety. I am the spice of life."
Alesone: "You're the spice of something..."
Iseault: "Yeah, she needs to go lower."
Alesone: "Ooh. That vibrates."
ir: "Sooo... sheep and duct tape, not the same place?"
Iseault & Annys: "I hope not!"
Lissa: "I need you to do that."
Alesone: "You need me to play horsie."
Iseault [sternly]: "Stand. Still."
Alesone: "We don't want to give Ian boobs."
ir: "'Cause what follows is Ian in fishnets."
"I want to know everything. Except when I don't want to know anything." - Lissa
"Does this invisibilty make my @ss look big?" - Lillia, as Sue Storm
ir [in elderly smoker voice]: "Stop licking my daughter."
Istvan: "Yikes. I can't stop licking her, she tastes good."
"Just beacuse I have a good handle on that whole inside voice/outside voice thing... doesn't mean I'm not thinking it." - Annys
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I just noticed that seamstress is comprised of the words seam and stress. I wish I had known that before I decided I wanted to learn how to sew better." - Katya
"You think that's bad, I have 900 channels, and all I watch is porn." - Meryke
"You'd rather have bacon than sex? Is that what you're saying?"- ir, to Lissa
"I don't think he'd fail... more like explode." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I may be left handed, but my violence comes from this hand!" - Lillia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They always just want the cream." - Muirenn
DeCastellan: "So, you're all mooches."
ir: "Ah-ah. Leeches."
DeCastellan: [nods] "Mm."
"I had to stand up, I can't do laundry sitting down." - Muirenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Vick's is not a lubricant." - Quotes from Pennsic XXXVIII
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ok, everyone grab a pole and rotate." - Linette
"And you don't have anything to quote with! [ir pulls out his DoG] D'oh." - Alesone
"I don't wanna talk about leverage!" - Lissa
"I'll just put your last name as 'Tadcaster'. That'll work." - Asa... to Alesone
"Berrick will be coming up when Lissa is going down." - Lilly
"Is that the Argent Target banner?" - Alesone
"This one's bigger!" - Lissa
"Ok, so we get to Pennsic, we line 'em all up and I'll measure 'em all." - Lissa
"Don't whip it out, if you don't want it smacked." - Griff
"You can't hear this, but they're saying really good things about you." - Duncan
"I'm gonna get some meat in me, grab a sixpack of cider and do some shtick with Ian." - Jibril
"You've just fondled your codpeice. It's fajita time!" - Bruno
"Siobhan can't handle weird Asians." - Lissa
"It's a Simonagnome!" - Lillia & ir
"Tadcaster: we let drunk people play with fire." - Bruni
"Wait, dog spray?" - Simonagnome
"Bruni, can I borrow your dog spray?" - Genevera
"Hey!!! I have to drive home on that! ... Man, she sprayed my dog!" - ir
"I didn't buy you for a six-pack... I paid it to shut up Griff!" - Jibril
"Ew! I don't want a boy who needs gerbils!" - Lillia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh! You're scroll-less! You can't quote things!" - Alesone
"Apparently, if we break Niki, we get the Twinkie filling." - Alesone*
"Don't make me quote. Something... bad." - Alesone
ir: "Ugh. Who did we tick off to get this music?"
Declan: "It's like Kenny G was dropped off in Juarez."
"See this hand? I stab people with this one." - Berrick
"That's right. Ooh! You could sue him, and litigate the cranikness!" - ir
Colleen: "But I could toss 'em in hot sauce, it'll literally just be a second."
Declan: [thinks a moment] "Would you toss your thighs in hot sauce for me?"
Colleen: "Yikes."
"Bowm-chicka-stab stab?" - Griff
Alesone: "Niki almost got a Coke shower."
ir: "Doesn't that cost extra?"
Alesone: "This one's a freebie."
"That's what we need, someone who plays sax. Then we can fight with rapiers and have someone off to the side playing porn sax." - Meryke
Colleen: "I thought you guys were a PG group."
Tadcaster: "Where did you get that idea?"
Meryke: "Lissa... there's probably a ladle involved."
Lissa: "Ew!"
"Do you want me to soil it first?" - Alesone
"If that doesn't work, google 'big potatoes'." - Lissa
Lissa: "How do you search the web on that?"
Alesone: "You type into Google [points] and press 'go'."
Lissa: "It's not going anywhere."
Alesone: "It's a Crackberry! It's going all the time!"
"Stop!!! I can't write that fast! Goddammit." - ir
ir: "Griff! Big Potatoes are 'tops'."
Griff: "Yeah, that sounds about right."
"No! It's a potato with a porn 'stache!" - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Do you want me to come over and rub your lump?" - Katya
Declan: "Can we take a break and go watch Nigel shoot off his big thingy?"
[5 minutes later:]
Declan: "It wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be."
Alesone: "You break the kooks."
Melchior: "There's jelly inside."
Alesone: "Who do I have to break to get Twinkie filling?"
Melchoir: "... I don't know."
"You can't have that... the Baron touched it!" - Caitriona inghean Sheamuis
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"'Plumbing with Tadcaster'... Also known as 'fisting the washer.'" - ir
"No furries were harmed in the fisting of this washer." - Lillia
"What is the sound of one hand getting caught in the trap?" - Istvan
"Oh, look. You should replace the hoses after five years of use to avoid the risk of 'hose failure'." - Lillia
"I think I'm gonna need to spend some quality time with a weed whacker. Oh, god... you're not gonna quote that, are you?" - Lillia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ir: "So, yeah. Thursday's my last day."
Christina, security guard: "See, I didn't like that news at all."
ir: "I'm not a fan of it m'self."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meryke: "Sorry, I stink."
Bruno: "But do you stink well?"
"Get naked as a teat?" - Bruno
Meryke: "How's your pie?"
Vi: "It's all warm. I was all like, Wooo!!!"
Berrick: "I think she was impressed by your scroll."
ir: "The ladies love the scroll."
Lissa: "Salty fishy goodness."
Griff: "Does anyone wanna field that? Anyone?"
"...and she says, 'Gay? Or SCA?' I just looked at her, and she said, 'Ah. SCA'." - Meryke
"There's gotta be a JoMar drinking game." - Meryke
"At this time of night, my brain can't. Like ... process the nuh nuh nuh nyuh." - Alesone
"Actually, that ties into the barbequed Hessians. Question." - Alesone
"I don't know. Can you revolve around Griff?" - Collin
Meryke: "You couldn't do that again if you tried."
Griff: "That's on my hat. Isn't it."
Everyone: "Yes. Yes it is."
"Good shot, you douche." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katya: "We don't fit in cans, we don't dogpile Marion."
Marion: "Testify."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yes, but I wasn't staring at his crotch." - Meryke
"Come here little boy, let me play with your strings." - Iseault
"I'm going to press my seems and test my toc." - Meryke
"To you're saying 'Tom is a lesbian seagul'." - Sabine
"Beat me, I like it, I'm sure." - Lissa
"You know, it's like the aftermarket for refurbished Tadcasters. Slightly damaged, buff them up a little..." - Sabine
"Slightly used Tadcasters, still have most of their original parts." - Meryke
"The magic word of the day is 'no'." - Lissa
"No refunds, this is Tadcaster." - Siobhan
"There's a high chance of brain damage." - Meryke
Meryke: "It's like silence of the toilets."
Berrick: "Have the toilets stopped screaming Clarice?"
Meryke: "I've got a pint of day rasberry habit, and I need help."
Alesone: "There's a twelve step program for that."
"BOING!" - Mina
"Score. I'm goin' to make a bird." - Alesone
"Screw me with a chainsaw!" - Alesone
"I'm going to make the toilet squeal." - Siobhan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ian never has to know about that..." - Alesone
"Cause every one should be tied up in duct tape once in their life." - Alesone
"Bruno's buying me a whip for Christmas." - Alesone [Note: He did not, in fact.]
"Brenda, unstuff Lissa." - Alesone
"Lissa, hold yourself." - Brenda
"It's not love, that's something else." - Lissa
"I'm wearin' the king's garb." - Lissa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Andre wants to lick the magic off of me." - Lissa
"When something goes wrong, blame it on a knight." - Sir Antonio (?)
"...waah wah wah-waaah nomnuts." - Siobhan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...I found a way to make crispy water." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't hot me up." - Rowan
"Apricots? Oh. I thought you said paper cuts." - Kovey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It fell down my throat. I caught it with my tongue." - Bruno
Griff: "Well, 'mother-in-law' would imply she's married."
Arnaut: "Oh... yeah."
Griff: "That Arnaut! Sharp as a brick."
"No. Never mind. I wasn't having any thoughts involving the word strap-on at all." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm good at improv." - Lorenzo
"When I go out there, I want to be stiff." - Lorenzo
"I'm gonna go ahead and say I have a nice, relaxed grip." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"They're too big, too heavy and too straight." - Berrick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When you use your off hand, it feels like someone else." - Sir Gabriel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ir: "I resent your insinuation that I have a small laurel."
Lillia: "Where are your air quotes, mister???"
ir: "I must have left them in the 'tight pants' which I can only 'fit into' because of my 'small laurel'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No poking! You're wearing cheescake!" - Siobhan
Griff: "Don't make me do mean things to you. And/or your underwear."
Lillia, Bruni & Vi: "WHAAAT?"
Griff: "I don't know... these things just come out."
"Ooh! He'd be Bedazzled Herald." - ir
Note on clipboard at practice: "DO WE THINK WE SHOULD TRY THE >NEW< DINER TONIGHT?"
Scribbled response: "Hell Yes!"
"Well, if you died, you weren't a very good witch." - Arnaut
Griff: "I'd like to know the difference between your 'Buffalo Chicken Tenders' and your 'Hot Thighs'."
Colleen: "My what now? This is a family restaurant, that sounds like a personal question."
"Oh, you gave me a moist towlette. How sweet!" - Alesone
"Do I need to go there? Did you get there by yourself? Are you there? Now?" - Griff
ir: "So... good chili and good facilities?"
Griff: "That's a good combination, actually."
"There's the title of Griff's autobiography: Then She Hit Me With A Ramekin." - ir
"As I slap my pickle on the plate." - Siobhan
"We're a slap-a-pickle-on-a-plate kinda group." - Meryke
"It's lint, you pussy! What's wrong with you?" - Meryke
"I'll have you know, my right nipple is really sore." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sorry, I was fascinated by the texture of your thingy." - Alesone
"Picking your nose should never be foreplay." - Meryke
"And that's... a squire wearing fishnets." - ir
"Did she just skeeve... herself?" - Griff
"That was calculated for maximum wrongness." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, kitties! Not kidneys." - Marion
"Simon and Bifunkel." - delbroc
Declan: "You've lost your pickle rights."
Lissa: "You've lost every right."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm sorry I dropped your stick... Oh, that's nice!" - Katya
"It's not like she's bending over in a way that I can see anything." - Katya
"I don't have any free hands. All mine are chargeable." - Katya
"I figure I get my three-year quota." - Katya
"What's a pud shuffle, and who would want to swallow one?" - Katya
"So the answer is no, you can't swallow it it's too light... doesn't have enough mass." - ir
Lissa: "She doesn't do anything for me."
Griff: "She shouldn't! You're not gay!"
"You got your next quote - Lissa just randomly said, 'Ooh, you're fuzzy!'" - Griff
"Am I still younger then you?" - Katya
"No, I freakin' adorable." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ian is a colorful tapestry." - Lissa
Meryke (as someone else): "Is this cheddar?"
Meryke (as Meryke): "[shakes head] Not really."
[on phone] "Delbruc! We have a job for you! Heeheeheehee! [click]" - Lillia
"Yup, just like that. Sure. Now lunge." - ir
"Oh, great. It's the combat of the sugar plum fairies." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lissa: "If you want to go find some string, I can stuff myself."
Alesone: "You wouldn't stuff yourself full enough."
"Super stuffed boobies." - Alesone
"What color are the ponies in her world?" - Melchior
"I'm just picturing the ponies farting rainbows." - Lissa
"The only way this could get worse is ponies farting glitter." - Corrina
"No. My taste buds remember the first batch, and refuse." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genevra: "Wait... the Canadian black market?"
Berrick [sotto voce]: "They sell squirrels!"
"Beard butter? Really?" - Eldrich
Collin: "He's Sadcaster."
Griff: "Sadcaster is sad."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ir: "Did she say 'whitewater archery tournament'? What would that even be?"
Berrick: "There are rocks. Lots of rocks."
"I can't do laundry. My laundry machine is up there [points at court]." - Siobhan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's still a Lissa-sized hole there." - Alesone
"Wha... saffron herb Guccis?" - Marion
"Size seven. Narrow." - Alesone
"It does require a shoe-horn, though." - Marion
Alain: "Can I reach behind you and get my mask?"
Siobhan: "But what are you going to do for me?"
Meryke: "Be careful what you say. I'm here, and I'm at c*ck height."
Meryke, to Bruno: "You're the reason we can't have nice things."
Lissa: "I'm nice!"
Meryke: "Except for Lissa."
"Dude. She was totally trying to to put down your pucker." - ir
Bruno: "Is that like hide-the-sausage?"
Meryke: "I am so good at that game."
"Damn. I can't figure out how to show a picture of a hidden sausage." - ir
"Shrubbery. Shrubbery!" - Siobhan, impressively achieving the same shade of red as ketchup
Collin: "What, upper- and lower-level virtue?"
Meryke: "Retractable."
"When stuff stops stickin' to your virtue, you just tear off another sheet." - Meryke
"What did I miss? ... Retractable?? Does not!" - Lissa
"Wah. Ian's gonna Nerf me." - Lissa
"Get up! Don't fall down dizzy when I'm talking to you!" - ir
"It's mathematically relavant. Back off." - Meryke, as ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"One more, then I'll stop firehosing you with knowledge." - ir
"Yeah... because everyone needs a fallopian almond." - Alesone
Alesone: "She wants my best part."
Lissa: "All of you is your best part."
"It's a sub-category. Stuff Even Wendy Didn't Know What They Were Talking About." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It's been quoted already. You can't laugh at it again." - Lissa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Do it! They're threatening the almonds!!" - Annys
"The almonds in my head told me to do it?" - ir
[High-pitched, squeaky voice] "I am the Fallopian Almond! Do as I say!" - the Fallopian Almond
"So what would be the demands of a fallopian almond?" - Annys
"I think the current economic downturn is the direct result of clear-cut almond milkers." - Annys
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Threesome!" - Lissa
"I think I will run away into the wilds." - Lissa
"Called what? Real-er Genius?" - Griff
"Ahh! Oh. Ice is cold." - Bruno
"[Sigh] Zebbity left the lid off the ark again..." - Meryke
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We're beating a rat and listening to its butt." - Lissa
"What happens if I spank this one?" - Lissa
"Two more inches and we have chocolate." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"COWVIAR!" - Meryke, Alain, ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Anyway. It was funnier before I stabbed myself in the chest with a chair." - ir
"No, no... pissy dance Cheerios." - ir
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, you took offence at my slapping your butt?" - Lissa, to Andre
"HERALD FIGHT!! HERALD FIGHT!!!" - HRM Darius
"I just saw Duncan a few minutes ago... he wasn't wearing a codpeice." - Collin
HRM Darius: "I have a new Anatoli Shepherd at home, that's probably what he smells."
HRH Andreas: "Is that what that smell is?"
HRM Darius: "Your Highness? Do you need a time out?"
"BROOOOOOOOM!" - Tadcaster
Meryke: "And if more than one person gets a margarita the size of their head, there might be broom fencing."
Alesone: "Ooh, Amish rake-fight rules?"
ir: "Miss."
Alesone: "Skirt."
ir: "Arm."
ir: "Double-kill!"
Alesone: "Baron!"
[Editor's Note: I guess some context would be helpful here... or maybe not. However, the above exchange occured while Ian and Alesone were beating the snot out of each other with foam swords in a busy hallway. That didn't help, did it.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Collin: "Everyone finger her ketchup!"
Alesone: "Finger my ketchup!!"
"It's used mayonnaise." - Lissa
"Don't make me slap you with a pickle." - Griff
"...and it goes whooosh! And you go WOOP and you're good." - Alesone
"www.whatthehellisWendytalkingabout.com." - Melchior
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It has dangly bits and I don't know why." - Collin
"Would you fence Griff for a fencer snack?" - Melchior
"Griff is pointy!" - Lissa
"Tadcaster: Wrecks the Curve." - Meryke
"I'm gonna take my knopope and go home." - Alesone
"Is that what he's called now?" - Collin
"You could have fun all night with a bag of Ore-Idas." - Meryke
"Spell his name wrong so I can get bigger." - Lissa
Collin:"You get to be the last girl at the table, sorry."
Lissa: "I love my life!"
"You know, that would be my favorite memory, too. And I wasn't even there." - Lissa
"Physics, man, physics! No." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dude! You have the critical mass of Tadcaster in your kitchen." - Berrick
Alesone: "I love German nuts."
Griff: [Pause] [Looks at Melchior] "You wanna field this one?"
Melchior: "No. With a big side of NO."
"I figured if I touched yours, you'd find mine." - Duncan
"Do we have to sit on the couch and clean our guns?" - Siobhan
"Someone turned up the wrong." - Melchior
"Ooh baby, you are so hot carrying ice." - Corinna
"He's an Irish Jew in flannel, trying to be an Indian!" - Erica
"No. THIS is how it's going to go down." - Vi, to Griff
"She has a good boob-to-junk ratio." - Griff
"But is the boob-grab transferrable?" - Larry
"I could hit you hard if you want!" - Lissa
Meryke: "What? You don't want your balls to be made into a game?"
Andre: "Not with tongs and forks!"
"Explosive merengue boob." - Tdb
"Did you say he's a premature evacuator?" - Griff, to Alesone
"I'm fighting someone with a brain finally! Wooo!" - Kat
"Oh, I thought it was 'Smack Andre Day'." - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am the asparagus princess, and you are just a twat." - Corrina, to Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lillia: "It was like some weird flamenco dance."
Eric: "Yeah, a flamenco dance of idiots."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, it vibrates. And I'm excited." - Lissa
"It's like a flip-top vibrator." - Corinna
"It's just the distress from the vibrations." - Lissa
"Can I keep your dirty virtue?" - Alesone
"Any more sugar and she'll be vibrating." - Berrick
"She doesn't want to be vibrated that way." - Alesone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Granuditous nuity." - ir
"You are a brick." - Lissa, to Berrick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"C.C.A.W.B." - Alain, on the interplay of chilled plastic with various body parts
ir: "www.mattsclock.com. Matt's Clock!"
Berrick: "Well, one of 'em, anyway."
ir, to Melchior: "You have... fairy tunnel vision?"
Berrick: "Yeah... tubular vision with sparkles."
"Your cognition is full of fail." - Meryke, to ir
"I'm standing with my my legs closed." - Lissa
"It almost tickles my scroll." - Lissa
"I never claimed to be 'Darth' anything. I'm not Sith... I'm just bad-ass." - Griff
Collin: "How's it feel?"
Lissa: "It feels good! Because I like you."
"I'm anybody! I'm somebody! Gimme the goddam pizza." - Lissa
"Put something in your mouth and keep it busy." - Brenda, to Bruno
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Collin is a big roomfull of 'no.'" - Griff
"No length is too big..." - Lissa
"It was soooo worth it! It was COOL! That was almost as fast as Mom drives!" - Shelby, after riding the Aerosmith Rock n' Rollercoster
"Oh, I'm sure you'd prefer this. [humps air]" - Griff
"Heh. Teat fail." - Meryke
"OK. Can we never say that again?" - Griff
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Squeak squeak squeak, f'ing squeak." - Duncan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You need to shave your head so we can pet you." - Lissa
"What I heard was 'chuppa sword.'" - Malcolm
"This sounds like a Jewish wedding in the middle of Gaza." - Malcolm
ir: "We have that in writing."
Lissa: "Yeah... who said that?"
ir: "YOU DID."
Berrick: "Why are you listening to Will?"
Melchior: "He's in the navy, so what the hell?"
"And then my tendons exploded! Who wants ziti?" - ir